Howdy Ho! 

Well, I would have never thought my writings would turn into some type of self-help intersection between surf and life.  However, this intersection seems to be a popular topic of choice among those who have been following the journey thus far.  So, in the spirit of living in the moment, and in honor of NorCal new ageyness, I’m just gonna go with the flow. 

Over the past few weeks, I have been spending time with a few friends who all happen to have one thing in common – they are trying to make the drop. I know what you non-surfers are thinking. What the hell is ‘the drop’? In surfing, the drop occurs the point after which you catch a wave, pop up onto your board, and then literally slide down the face of the wave.

In the case of my friends, they aren’t sliding down waves.  Rather, they are trying to make BIG changes in their lives.  They are making the drop.  (Go with me here on this analogy, please).   For example, two of my friends are trying to jumpstart their passions into businesses.  Another is trying to settle herself on the opposite coast of the country and establish herself as an artist.  One knows she wants to divorce her husband, but is trying to keep it together for the sake of her kids.  They are in this odd and sometimes uncomfortable space of in between; they want to take a big leap forward and are trying to figure it all out.  I have been listening to what inspires them, what scares them, and what motivates them.  In doing so, I not only related to them on so many levels, I became inspired to share some things I learned along the way that helped me make the drop – both in surf and in life. I’ve spent my entire adult career supporting people to make their drop in one way or another.  The time has come to share the wisdom! Here goes!

1. Make a Collage!

Yep.  I said it. It’s cheesy.  It’s new agey.  It’s girly! It works! How can we make the right decisions for ourselves when we don’t even know what it is we want?  I started the process of collaging a few years ago with friends.  It came at a time when I also started doing random marker art doodles. I don’t know why I had the sudden urge to draw pretty pictures, but I did.  Something felt very calming about the process.

As a girl, I was always making something– baking cakes, drawing pictures, cutting out construction papers etc… So making a collage was like getting my mind back to its natural, creative state.  I’d collect all these cool images from greeting cards, postcards, magazines, paper bags, stickers - you name it.  When I felt like doing the collage, I’d go to the art shop, buy beautiful pieces of bold, bright, handmade papers.  I’d then cut, organize, and paste them and start crafting my masterpiece. I wouldn’t think too much about it; I’d just go with the flow.  I’d hang it on my wall in the hallway of my condo and look at it with all my newfound artistic pride.  To me, it was art – something pretty to hang on my wall, and not much more than that.  Or so I thought.

About a year and a half after doing the first one, I noticed something astounding - whatever I put down on the collage came true.  Visions of the tropics and flip flop cut outs couldn’t have put me any squarer than in Bali.  I consequently ended up spending 3 months there in 2010, with flip flops the only shoes I ever wore, until I got back and was wearing them one day in Oakland and the rubber strap broke and I was like ‘oh man! Not my Hawaianas!’.  But I digress.  That’s just one example. So I figured this just must be my subconscious way of planning.  This led me to start making them more regularly when I felt like I wanted to get clear on my next direction in life, yet felt like I was floating in the space of in between.  Wavy Gravy.  Wavy Gravy.  (I don’t know why I just wrote that.  I’m just going with the flow here….can ya dig?)  Anyways….

Here’s an excerpt from my most recent collage.  (SHUT UP!) This illustrates the distinction between wanting to be a pro surfer vs. wanting to surf like a pro. My dream is the latter, of course.  Side Note: I pasted a Patagonia sticker on there, because I secretly dream to one day be some kind of surf ambassador and travel around the world doing cool shit on not-my-tab.  I also just think they are a great company and would love to collaborate with them.  That very same day I found myself on the phone with the San Francisco Patagonia store discussing Brown Girl Surf TM and ways we might partner together.  See?  It really works. 

By putting your ideas down on paper, you are manifesting an energetic imprint in the world.  My friend told me the other day she did one of these years ago.  She pulled it out of her closet to show me, pointing to each word she wrote, explaining to me the pictures she pasted.  “See?” she said.  “These all came true.” 

2.  Be patient with yourself.

When I first learned to surf, I sucked.  I mean, I really sucked.   I tried a few times over the years, only to be left feeling frustrated.  I had no muscle memory in my body of popping up, or of doing anything acrobatic for that manner.

I grew up as a competitive martial arts athlete traveling all over the country competing and spending all of my summers in intensive training.  As a young adult, I immersed myself in North Indian Classical dance, an ancient artform where you wear 4-8 pounds of bells on each ankle.  In other words, I was used to feeling quite grounded, and doing things on a solid surface.  Surfing was a totally different vocabulary for me – it required balance, precision, timing, and maneuvering through a moving medium (the ocean).  I started to get the hang of popping up on my board only months after I started doing it regularly.  It took me 6 months to paddle out on my own.  You should know that I saw people at my same level, pop up and surf an unbroken wave on the very first day they grabbed a surfboard!  Of course I was like, what’s wrong with ME?  I felt so uncool. But I learned through this process that everyone is just different.  Plain and simple. Everyone has their own fears and self-imposed limitations that they have to overcome at their own pace.  In surfing, I learn everyday that you just cannot force things.  

I’ve found that the same is true with making the drop in life; if you force yourself into processes in life when you’re not ready, you may find yourself like a deer in headlights. For example, for me, the collaging process comes quite easily, because that’s my preferred method of planning and communicating. For one of my friends, however, it wasn’t necessarily the case.  The process didn’t flow as easily, and it took a lot of introspection and thought before she eventually finished it.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  That’s just where she is at; everyone is different.  When you are thinking of making the drop in life, it’s important to be patient with yourself.  As I said in my last blog post, reinventions take time.  Just like it took me 6 months to feel comfortable popping up on a board, everyone is different.  What works for one, does not work for another.  Be patient.  Don’t force it.  But come back to it later, and you’ll be surprised by the newfound clarity that will emerge. 

3.  Take small steps .

Small steps lead to big leaps. The one thing that kept tripping me up after closing C.E.O. Women and starting Brown Girl Surf TM, was trying to figure out how the rest of my life was going to look, where the money was going to come from, where Brown Girl Surf TM fit into everything in my life, and how to monetize everything.  It didn’t help having my father ask me what my “plans” were every time I spoke to him either. I was like, ‘Dad! Get off my back!’ It was driving me up the wall.  It was only when my leadership coach, Liza Culick, (who is graciously sponsoring me with monthly coaching sessions that I am SO grateful for), said to me “why not think about things in the next 1-2 years?”  That just FELT better.  For one thing, I don’t even know what will be happening in my life18 months from now.  Will I even be living in California? Will new doors and opportunities I never expected start to open up?  I don’t know.  We are so wired in this culture to think about the future, that we forget to live in the present.  One of the things that is so amazing about surfing, is that it is all about the present moment.  So I’m all for bringing a little surf spirit into your life so you can enjoy your days, and not fret too much about the rest of your life.

Take my friends as an example.  Two of them are in the middle of starting businesses.  They are each doing beta tests of their ideas, so they can learn from each small step and hone their ideas. One is making her product, and mailing it to all of her friends as a gift (me included!) to get feedback.  Another is gathering friends and colleagues to be guinea pigs in a simulated experience of her business concept (me included again!) It’s raining start-ups!  As for my other friend who is trying to set up her life on an opposite coast, she is going to spend a little time there to see how she likes it first.  This sure beats having to rack her brain trying to figure out how her life is all going to work long term.   I personally have visions of living half the year in the Hawaiian islands.  I recently made arrangement to visit there for a month, and stay with friends who live a bit off the grid. In this way, I minimize costs, but can give myself a taste of what it’s like to live there.  Testing your ideas and dreams, taking small steps and focusing on the shorter term will not only keep you from going crazy, but it will help you make the leaps you want to make in life. 

4.  DO! 

I didn’t get the hang of surfing by taking lessons or by listening to feedback from others.  I started to really get it when I would just do, over and over and over again. 

When I was putting together Brown Girl Surf TM, I fretted weekly over my personal story, what the components of the blog would be, whether we should have a forum or not.   I think I drove my best surfer buddy, Jackie, nuts. Every time we would find ourselves mired in what to do and how to approach it, we’d always remind ourselves not to suffer from the paralysis of analysis.  We told ourselves that by doing something, the right path would be revealed.  Though Jackie is a hard core planner with almost a decade of online marketing experience and know-how, she understood that in a phase of discovery, some things cannot be planned….that some things will just reveal themselves organically.  In other words, we were comfortable knowing we did not know what the right path was.  So to pull our hair out trying to make decisions so early was fruitless.

At the end of the day, a lot of decisions were made based on what FELT right.   Sometimes if you think too much, it gets in the way.  I am a big fan of just doing.  This is not to put down planning in any way at all.  But this post is about making the drop, and I’ve seen my fair share of people who plan and analyze so much only to never make the drop because they are too much in their HEAD.  You gotta just DO, Mr. Magoo.   Doo be doo be doo.  

I hope these tips have been helpful to you.  These days, it seems every friend I speak to wants to make a profound change in some aspect of her life.  Some are contemplating starting a business.  Some are getting to that pet project they have been talking about for years.  Some even want me to teach them to surf!  No matter what the metaphorical (or literal) drop is in your life, employ some of the principles above.  By doing so you’ll be that much closer to getting there! Earth, go forth, and conquer!

Signing off from Oakland, CA

Farhana

Last I left you, I mentioned that I Skyped with Mercedes Maidana, Argentina’s first female big wave surfer and that I actually got a lot of great advice from her on surfing and life!  My absolute admiration for this big waver was sealed after I read she had picked up a surfboard on a whim at the age of 20 and then managed to surf every major big wave in the world before she turned 30.  So if anyone knows anything about crazy life reinventions, it would be Mercedes.

As I seem to be on a more metaphorical journey of reinvention at the moment, I thought I’d share with you, in the spirit of California new ageyness, five key insights that I gained from my talk with Mercedes. (And as a caveat,  I am fully aware of my privilege for even having the option to think about reinvention and having the infrastructure and support offered to me living in a developing country.  For that I feel very, very fortunate.) Here goes!

1. Hard work, persistence and sheer will seem to be key ingredients in manifesting one’s dreams.

What can I say but after speaking to Mercedes, I never realized how truly glamorous the life of a big wave surfer girl was.  Yes, I’m being sarcastic. Though very educated in her country, Mercedes spent her 20’s hopping from one country to the next to support her passion for chasing waves.  She did stuff like waiting tables, cleaning houses, and eventually even started a house cleaning business. (That’s the C.E.O. Women spirit!)  

She eventually gave herself 2 years to try to get sponsored while living off her savings.  At the end of the 2 years, she was all out of savings but had landed a sponsor (Patagonia) who supports her with travel and gear to chase big waves.  But even at that, she still needed to figure out a way to pay her bills, so she was back at square one figuring out how to fully make her living.  This time she chose to start another business and put to use all the things that she learned from manifesting her dreams.  She created a concise program that she shares with people through breakthrough sessions and through her blogs. Her business is called Beyond The Next Step.  Check it out!

Of course I’m thinking to myself, what? In a multi-billion dollar industry, where there are like 5 female big wave surfers who risk their lives to do this sport, they still have to figure out how to make a living?   But that’s another blog.  Though I never expected to make a living off of sponsorships (I have a few so far, none of them financial), in the spirit of surfer chick solidarity, Mercedes encouraged me to figure out ways to start generating income so I can support a lifestyle that would allow me to stay connected to the ocean, travel, surf, and empower and inspire others. Realizing selling thousands of Brown Girl Surf TM T-shirts is not going to happen overnight, I figured it’s time to put some energy into manifesting some income for myself.   I remember when I started up C.E.O. Women, I patched income for years before ever taking a salary but I persisted and worked my ass off, even when I was tripping all over myself.  I’m glad Mercedes reminded me that anything is possible, and helped steer me on a path that could lead to greater support for the things I really want to do.  

2. Focus on the essence of what you want to do, not the outcome.

I have to admit that three months ago, when I announced to the world I wanted to one day surf competitively, not only did people look at me cross eyed and confused, something changed for ME. 

My surf sessions weren’t nearly as fun and relaxed as they used to be, and something didn’t FEEL right.  The thought of constantly updating my progress to an outside audience and setting competition as a goal somehow was taking something away from the experience I always had in the water.  And I wondered ‘should my personal journey even be part of Brown Girl SurfTM at all?’ It was only when Mercedes candidly stated that when she was consciously trying to compete and “win” things like the XXL awards which made her feel miserable and unhappy for 2 years did my own feelings start to get validated. She sometimes pushed herself into big surf she didn’t feel ready for.  She had to contend with other ugly sides of ego, competition and all the negative stuff “industry” brought along with it. 

We talked about looking at my journey in a different way – really focusing on the essence of what I love about surfing, which is my connection to the ocean, and the joy I feel at seeing myself improve and connecting with other fellow surfers.  That just FELT right.  I have since just started to focus on trying to improve and be the best surfer I can be, and well, maybe one day to “surf like a pro”.  I spoke with some of my sponsors about it, and they could honestly care less if I compete or don’t compete which is pretty cool.  I realized they are essentially supporting me and my story at the end of the day and that there are opportunities to be sponsored aside from having supreme competitive athletic ability.  I realized I am doing so many things from empowering women and girls, to bringing attention to key environmental issues, to trying to do something really really hard (surfing) much later in life, to simply telling stories. That is the essence of what I’m doing. 

3.  Reinventions take time.

When I closed C.E.O. Women, my friends and mentors, people who had turned over companies, underwent a leadership succession, or spent 10 years at least at a venture would all give me the same advice: ‘Go easy on yourself Farhana and give yourself at least a year’.  Some encouraged me to take off and travel again. Some encouraged me to sleep.  What I realized is that most of my close friends and supporters had recognized how hard I had worked the past decade but also, had so much faith in what I would do next. I realized in speaking with Mercedes that well, I am still very much in discovery at this stage.  The one thing I’m sure about is that I’m passionate about creating a platform for new female surfing communities from China to The Gaza Strip so the Brown Girl Surf TM journey FEELS right.    

Mercedes and I brainstormed some ways to broaden the focus of the project and perhaps monetize the project.  In the end, I went with my gut and decided to keep the focus just on these surfers for now, because I do believe there are incredible stories to be told and their efforts deserve a unique platform.  Perhaps a Kickstarter campaign could work for this, or a grant, or even a sponsor to help me bring the stories of these female trailblazers to light.  I felt something about Brown Girl Surf TM needed to stay niche, and I’m glad I am choosing to maintain this focus.  Sometimes projects are just what they are – cool projects that are deserving of philanthropy or grants.  It has taken time to realize this and I’m still learning things about myself everyday on this path of reinvention.  It’s not to say the advice on monetization did not lead to something.  Quite the contrary, but I’ll get to that in a bit!

4.  You must believe.

I can honestly say that unless you believe in something fully, it probably won’t happen.  For example, though I’ve abandoned competitive surfing as an end, I actually BELIEVE I will hone my skills and surf one day like a pro, and love the freedom and flow that experience will bring me.  As crazy and out of whack as that sounds, all throughout this injury, I’ve visualized myself on a shortboard surfing with all the finesse of an accomplished surfer. This was the natural image that always popped into my head when I went to sleep at night realizing I have a torn tendon and can’t surf.  I figured, if I can’t surf in real life, I should surf in my head and start to make sure my tendon heals in a way to support that kind of sport.   I don’t have the slightest clue as to when or how that will manifest itself. But that’s OK.  

I’m sure all along Mercedes’ journey, that she really truly believed and behaved like she was a professional big wave surfer, even when she wasn’t, and may have had many crossed eyed onlookers herself.  As delusional as her aspiration might have seemed to some, she made it happen.   It reminded me that when I wanted to start C.E.O. Women, how many people (including my parents) told me I shouldn’t do it, that I should just get a job and play it safe.  Many also told me to change the name of it.  But I didn’t listen and did it anyways, and it did bring a lot of good to a lot of people for 11 years.  So, I gotta go partly off of experience too, but now I get to start from a platform with way more knowledge about myself, connections and resources. I have no doubt Mercedes truly believed in her dream and I feel like if she can manifest it, so can I. 

5.  Be in alignment with what you know to be true about yourself.

When I heard the realities of Mercedes’ story, and that her happiness was compromised to some degree during her “go pro” journey, it made me really think about what makes me happy, and what a great day would look like in the future. When I thought about this, it didn’t involve me heading to an office and sitting in front of a computer, discussing HR, the latest marketing plan or being a 24-7 workaholic.  It was more about working one on one with people, inspiring people, empowering others, creating platforms for girls around the world to share their voices and of course maintaining my close connection to the ocean through surfing.

The monetization ideas we discussed, though not applied to Brown Girl Surf,  gave me inspiration to take other things like my “Where the world is Farhana?” writings, my surf journey blogs and my decade plus of skills to some other platform that can be monetized down the road.  In short, I saw the essence of everything I wanted to really be doing in life in front of me, but a real need to repackage and look at everything in such a way that I can sustain myself going forward….the typical path of the entrepreneur.

So in a nutshell, the call was great and totally helped me get clarity on the essence of this more “intuitive” journey that I seem to be on. But fear not, I will get back to my quirky storytelling as soon as I have a good excuse to craft one (aka. I’m off to a far land on another adventure). But as always, I love hearing from you, and would welcome any feedback on this particular installment as it is so different than previous news.  So, please ping me!  In the meantime, I’ll be focusing on physical therapy and walking, getting back into the water, and working on a plan to get my bills paid!      

On that more practical note, thanks for reading!

Signing off from Oakland, CA,

Farhana

Howdy!

The padres have left the house (they were here for 3 weeks to help me out) so the down time has actually given me the opportunity to think more about Brown Girl Surf and the journey ahead, (and to clean and reorganize my entire household).  Things have shifted a bit and you may be wondering why I'm running a poll on our Facebook page asking people whether we should change the name "Brown Girl Surf."  I’m excited to share some new revelations, partly inspired by a recent coaching call I had with big wave surfer girl Mercedes Maidana. 

What could I possibly learn from Argentina’s first female big wave surfer?  How has that changed the journey going forward? What are the big lessons I'm learning about reinventing oneself, and one's career and going after your passions? I'm eager to share with you! But I'll save those reflections for Part II....to come in a few!  Check back later this week. 

Well, the BLUEMiND panel at Okeanos (you know, the event plastered all over my Facebook page the past few weeks) was pluckfastically fantastico!  Dancing fish people squirming and worming about the stage, weird scientists dissecting brains, thoughts and memory with their words, and a Brown Girl Surf TM all female crew clad in spider lilies selling T-shirt  to white, male, non-surfers.  Can ya dig it?

Seriously though, yesterday was awesome.  It was also Brown Girl Surf's TM first public debut, so I was especially interested to see just how people would embrace our pioneering journey around the world, name and all.  After catching the attention of passer byers with our bright smiles, aloha spirit and impromptu "you don't have to be brown!" slogan,  people walked up to the table full of intrigue and wonder. (Note: brilliant sales tactic from our lead sales person, Marshea.  Pay attention to my blogs and you WILL get some good entrepreneurial advice now and then.)  Once people  heard about the journey to find trailblazing women and girls around the world, and the context of the name Brown Girl Surf TM, they too were SOLD.  Quite literally. OH YES.  And I have to let you know how STOKED I was when the bartender next to our table (who was a tall, white male) announced he dug the project so much that he had dibs on the Brown Girl Surf TM men's white cotton T.  (OK fine, so he also added to that how much he loved white t-shirts and surfer girls in general, so it was an easy sell to him.  But whatever.  It's all fair game in my book.....and fascinating market research at that).  So to all the naysayers who said men would not wear these.....SOLD!  Nanny nanny boo boo.  Kidding.  But we felt the love and were grateful for the good vibes, exquisite performance, and the great company.

Here's our jolly table....definitely the most colorful one of the night!  Thanks to all my friends and my mom (far right) for helping make this so successful!  I don't have much else of intellectual significance to share at the moment (mostly because  I'm recovering from running around all day yesterday with one leg), but stay tuned for some exciting news about my new mobile device....and by that I don't mean phone.  You'll just have to wait and see. The journey continues.......

It has been about a week now since I ruptured my achilles tendon while doing sprints at the gym.  It's been a real bummer but lucky for me I have the crappiest health insurance plan known to man so everything is just peachy.   Just kidding.  Sorta sucks I'll be down and out for the count for the next 4-6 weeks.  FYI I'm going with non operative treatment of the tendon vs. operative treatment, but more on that later.  So no surfing for me for a bit.  Whaaa!!!!  Oh the humanity!  So much for my adventurous surf stories. 

I know life could be much much worse.  I mean, I could have had my arm chewed off by a shark, or worse yet, been born without any limbs and never had the opportunity to surf or dance.  I know how lucky I am in life and understand things happen for a reason.   So in the true spirit of Bay Area San Franciscan, new age, granola-ness, I am taking this injury as a sign that it's time to focus on other aspects of life, like um, other aspects of  Brown Girl Surf TM!

So the past few days I have been doing some prep for the upcoming Okeanos performance at Fort Mason in San Francisco.  Described by Ariel Schwartz in her article for Fast Company, as the “The Cirque Du Soleil Of Environmental Science“ Okeanos artistically melds science, movement, dance, and acrobatics together to create a theatrical performance of a living ocean.  I know.  How cool is that? Being a dancer myself, I really can't wait to see how they use the human body to recreate the experience of the ocean.  As well, part of this weekend's production is meant to raise awareness around ocean issues. So in addition to the performance, there will be a lot of cool environmental groups on display at the event.  And yes, Brown Girl Surf TM will have a presence there too (so come check out our table).  But it gets cooler yet.   On Sunday I'll be participating on a pre-show panel with my BLUEMiND friends to discuss the relationship between the brain and the ocean.  The theme will be “Our Mind on Ocean, Our Brain on Memory." 

So given this is Brown Girl Surf's TM first public debut, there has been quite a lot of tasks to get done around here.  It's a little challenging to do it with one leg, but I'm getting used to it.  In the spirit of movement and theatrics, I thought I'd share with you this awe inspiring video on Brown Girl Surf's TM behind the scenes one legged prep for this awesome occasion. 

I know what you're thinking-- Target!?!?! OK, fine. I wish I could have chosen a more sustainable store as part of my quest for hangers, especially on a post about the living ocean.  And well, you know how I feel about plastic. But they did scrounge up their extras for me.  Qualified reuse? Please love me, don't judge me (just for the moment....just this once).   Perhaps this is your opportunity to chime in and let me know where I can get more enviro friendly stuff going forward.  Perhaps you couldn't give a crap.  Either way, I hope you laughed. 

So hope you'll join us this weekend for Okeanos and the BLUEMiND panel at Fort Mason at 6:30 pm on Sunday.  Click on the link below for more information and to buy tickets! 

Hope to see you there!  (FYI I got my new rolling scooter this morning.  It's almost as cool as a skateboard.....sort of.)

_Where in the World is Farhana?: Knocked Down for the Count

I don’t even know how to begin.  So I’ll begin at the date of closure.  On December 21, 2011, we closed the organization I started after 11 years, C.E.O. Women. 
 
Close?  How?  Why?  I know - you and a hundred others asked the same question.  Well, here is an abridged version of what went down.  Q4 of 2011 was an “everything that could have gone wrong went wrong” sorta quarter.  If I had to describe that period of time with one word, it would be “miserable.”  The bottom line was the organization just didn’t have the financial strength to continue in this very difficult economy nor the institutional strength to withstand a leadership transition.  We found ourselves with no cash due to a number of factors, no line of credit, a resignation of a key executive leader on the eve of our annual event, and delays in processing our government funding among other things.  By the end I had lost count of how many of my personal paychecks were withheld. To top it off, in the midst of pure organizational mayhem, I got clonked on the eyebrow by my surfboard a day before Thanksgiving.  Yep - a big ASS shiner just for turkey day.  I honestly didn't think the blow was that big of deal.  I mean, I have been through my share of injuries.  Nevertheless, not only was I feeling the emotional bruises from having to put to rest what was a great non-profit, I also looked like the poster child for 1-800-stop-surfboard-abuse.  Check it out.

_
As this storm of events turned into what felt like a category 5 hurricane, I did what any unpaid founder enduring 3 months of financial crisis with no money, no executive director, and a head injury would do – I drove to my favorite surf break and cried....for most of the weekend actually except when I was in the water – too focused and calm to cry then.   After two days of intermittent sobbing I actually started to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I mean, I was bummed, but those of you who know me know I ain’t no crier. And closure wasn’t the end of the world.  Truthfully, I knew there probably was a better way to do the work we had been doing all these years and this was the opportunity for that shift to happen. I loved managing crisis too.   Still, the tears flowed.  I decided enough was enough, and got myself to the doctor.  After explaining to her my symptoms of intermittent crying, nausea and deep sleeps, doc was like “ummm….you had a concussion.”  Apparently the blow occurred in the left upper orbital side of my head – the part of the brain that controls emotions…..hence the monsoon of crying from all the various stressors of the past 3 months.  They were also worried I had broken my upper left orbital bone as well so I was sent for a bunch of x-rays.  Luckily, I didn’t break the bone, but I don’t think I fully recovered from the concussion until weeks later.

_
With a fuzzy head, the incredible staff of C.E.O. Women and I spent all of December dismantling the organization – from calling all 200-something of our institutional and individual funders, to negotiating with our bank, to figuring out where the fax machine and fridge would go.    The tears flowed daily, almost regularly.  My surf coach reminded me that the cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea.  So that was my mantra.  I made sure I surfed as much as I could and thanked God for that.   
 
By the third week in December there were no staff left but craploads still to do.   I got sick from the stress and managed to fracture my tooth in the meantime.  So between the bank negotiations, figuring out what the hell to do with the fridge, raising $20,000 to close cleanly, I frantically rushed to my doctors for last minute health appointments before my insurance expired. I was totally losing. In fact, I felt like a big loser.
 
I didn’t think I’d make it out of bed for the last three days so I ended up calling on my buddy, Jane Leu, an incredible entrepreneur and Founder of the non-profit Upwardly Global.  She spent the last 2 days with me closing down the organization.  Having also built a national non-profit on her own back, she was one of the few who could understand, at a visceral level, what it was like to be the last one standing to shut down the very thing you had killed yourself to create for so many years. She was sad.  I was sad.  It was sad.  Together, we were sad.
 

_Jane and I wrapped up all the remaining pieces (well, what we could do with two people) and closed C.E.O. Women on the evening of the 21st. 
 
Looking back, this wasn’t the story of a 3-year-old start-up that had recklessly burned through quick cash, due to poor planning and execution or a flawed business model.   It was one of the successful, non-profits built on sheer frugality and on years of hard work that just couldn’t make it.  A year ago I had announced to my board my future plans to eventually transition out of C.E.O. Women by February 2012, understanding the organization needed fresh, new leadership, and hoped to move onto my next venture.  I had hoped for a graceful departure, to send out the token “thank you for 11 wonderful years” sorta e-mail, celebrated with a party, drank lots of wine, given a “goodbye it has been so wonderful” sorta-speech.  Instead, I went out with all the grace of a giant water buffalo. 
 
And so I was faced with the big question - who would I be now that I wasn’t the revered “Founder of C.E.O. Women?”  I actually spent the past year doing a lot of soul searching figuring this out. I based my next steps on the simplest thing possible – what I knew to be true about myself.  I loved to surf.  I loved to dance. I loved to travel.  I loved to write. I loved inspiring others with stories.  I wanted to see more opportunities for women and girls to achieve their dreams.  I felt there were still so many barriers for them to overcome all over the world. I was more than ready to shed the identity of C.E.O. Women from me.  I didn’t want to start another non-profit – too much fundraising. I didn’t want to work for someone else – not enough freedom.  So after 11 years of helping other women start their own ventures, I decided I wanted to start my own. I realized I had to walk the walk and officially enter the fellowship of C.E.O. Women entrepreneurship-dom. 
 
During this time, my surfer buddy Kevin lent me this surf book on Laird Hamilton’s training regiments which ignited in me A Bend it Like Beckham-style infatuation with the big wave surfer. Armed with this book as if it were my Bible, I thought my first idea was brilliant! It was to become a sponsored, competitive surfer – the first in my community!  (I’m sure this is just the impact Laird hoped to have after publishing that book).

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I was stoked. I started to dream of being a renegade brown girl swooping down big waves in the ocean on a big gun (a surfboard used for big waves).  I told my dad last August about my brilliant entrepreneurial idea to go pro and that I would train, run the sand dunes of Ocean Beach to build my endurance, tie a rock to me at the bottom of the ocean and sprint, join a gym, find a coach, find sponsors, and then be on my merry way. Well, this picture pretty much sums up just how enthusiastic he was about the idea:

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Ummmmm. Let’s just say he wasn’t too gung ho. Luckily though, a little Photoshop does wonders to tales, so I fixed that issue right away. (SHUT UP!....It’s my story anyway).  For the purpose of this story, let’s just pretend he was a little more enthusiastic about my idea to go pro. 
 

_Anyways, a girl can dream, right?  Let’s just say my dreams were in full force, or maybe my surfboard did hit me REALLY hard.  Either way, the inspiration I had taken from seeing off all our final graduates in the last weeks of C.E.O. Women, and the challenges and struggles they were overcoming in their own lives inspired me to go after the unthinkable.  It also sent my entrepreneurial brain into full swing with all sorts of plans and concepts of how I could structure the next phase of life’s adventures.  I began synthesizing more thoughts on surfing, women and girls’ empowerment, traveling and writing, and laid the foundation of an even better idea – one that wouldn’t necessarily result in death at 30 feet either. (Quite the opposite, actually.  But more on that soon!)  In the meantime, I did take to the water, and started tackling Ocean Beach on those overhead and a half days on my big board just for fun – some of the most exhilarating surf sessions ever. 
 
I would love to continue telling you what exactly the idea evolved into but I’m afraid I must end this part of my tale here and save that for Part II (don't worry.  there are only 2 parts to this story).  And if you don’t wish to be on this list, no offense at all.  You can certainly unsubscribe at the bottom. It was just easier for me to use this e-mailing program to communicate with you vs. doing it through my gmail.  For now, welcome readers (old and new) to Where in the World is Farhana?: Life after C.E.O. Women.   To be continued….
 
Thanks for reading!

Signing off from Oakland, CA,
 
Farhana